First presented to the Albemarle County Planning Commission on December 13, 2016
By. Neil Williamson, President, Free Enterprise Forum
Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through Albemarle County
Folks were shopping and buying their family holiday bounty
The neighborhood meetings were held, public hearings advertised with care
In hopes that applicant’s final approvals might soon be theirs.
With Tubbs in his head seat and me off and tweeting
The regulars were in position for a long Planning Commission meeting
When up in the foyer there arose such a clatter
Sharon phoned maintenance to get to the bottom of the matter.
Away to the back doors, I flew up the row
With Sean, Jeff, and Morgan behind me, albeit quite slow
As I reached the ACOB back doors, of course located in front
I mumbled about relegated parking and pushed them open with a grunt
Florescent lights spilling out to the front staircase mountain
Gave brightness to the beautiful but empty decorative fountain
When what to my skeptical eyes should appear
but a BMW Mini and eight tiny reindeer
With a tall bearded driver, so sly and so tame
I knew in a moment it must be old Wayne
More rapid than zoning violations his courses they came
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name
“Now Graham, now Gast-Bray, now Fritz and Newberry!
On Echols! On Weaver! On Benish and Sherry!
To the top of the properly stepped retaining wall!
Now dash away dash away dash away all!’
As the mud on a critical but managed slope after a summer rain flows,
when they meet with an obstacle from the ground that grows
So up to the green roof of the ACOB the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh, full of applications and Wayne Cilimberg too.
And then in a twinkling, I heard tapping noise somewhat fleeting
I thought Kilroy was updating citizens with her tweeting
As I gathered myself and turned to speak with the guys
The former Planning Director jumped off the elevator with surprise
He was dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and well pressed slacks
And his clothes smelled of suntan oil and perhaps the dog track
A bundle of approvals, he had slung on his back
He looked like a lost Shenandoah hiker just opening his pack
His eyes — how they twinkled, not application weary
He had a slight build but fit from the gym;
Tanned rested and ready, retired but slim.
Retirement clearly suited this jolly tall elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and his now graying mane
Soon gave me to know I need not fear from Wayne.
He spoke not a word but had an aggressive comprehensive plan
Stamping applications “approved”, saying “yes, yes you can”
And pressing the button with his red sharpie stained hand
The elevator swept him away to the upper floors of ACOB land.
He sprang to top of the building on McIntyre
And away he flew like his pants were on fire
He shouted above the din of his fine steed
“Approve applications, economic development we need.”
I heard him exclaim as ere he drove out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all — Retirement is All right!”
Neil Williamson is the President of The Free Enterprise Forum, a public policy organization covering the City of Charlottesville as well as Albemarle, Greene, Fluvanna, Louisa and Nelson County. For more information visit the website www.freeenterpriseforum.org
Photo Credits: Gifs.cc