Tag Archives: poem

A Holiday Tradition– “Rio The SmallPlan”

Adapted from comments to the Albemarle County Planning Commission 12/18/2018

By. Neil Williamson, President

In what has become either a dreaded recurrence or a nice tradition, the Free Enterprise Forum annually presents a reworked holiday poem as a literary gift to the Planning Commission.

Last year, we penned Rudolph the Rio The SmallPlanForm Based Code.  In 2017 we started the tradition with An Albemarle Planning Christmas.  So this year before we pack up our holiday fare and go over the riparian buffer and through the forest easement to grandmother’s house for the holiday, with apologies to original songwriters Jack Rollins and Steve Nelson we offer the 2018 poem “Rio – The SmallPlan”.

Rio the
SmallPlan

Rio, the SmallPlan was a fighter against sprawl
With a dog bone roundabout and a transit stop
And roads right through Fashion Square Mall

Rio, the SmallPlan is a fairy tale, they say
He was made of ink, but the planners think
He may come to life one day

There must have been some magic
In that new Form Based Code they penned
For even before they got it enacted
Rezonings started to trend

Oh Rio, the SmallPlan was alive as he could be
And the Planners say he could bend and play
Just the same as Euclidian and me

Roads running here and there

Through structures in the square,

Saying “Market Build me if you can…”

Traffic calming humpty, hump, hump,
humpety, hump, hump

Look how Rio thrives, traffic calming
humpety, hump, hump,
Elevated crosswalk, bumpety, bump, bump

the walkable community where everyone drives.

Rio, the SmallPlan knew his roads were interconnected
So he said, “Let’s run and we’ll have some fun
Now, before I am traffic infected”

Rio, the SmallPlan knew his roads were interconnected
So he said, “Let’s run and we’ll have some fun
Now, before I am traffic infected”

Down to ACAC with a set of green dots in his hand
Runnin’ here and there, all around Albemarle Square
Sayin’, “Prioritize me if you can”

Traffic calming humpty, hump, hump,

humpety, hump, hump

Look how Rio thrives,

traffic humpety, hump, hump,
flooded parkland sump pump,

the walkable community where everyone drives.

He led them through
pedestrian oriented plan
Right to Rachel, the Planner Czar
He only paused for just a moment
When he heard her holler, “Car”

Because ol’ Rio, the SmallPlan, he had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye sayin’, “Don’t you cry
when market condition are right, I’ll be back again some day “

Merry Christmas to one and all.

santa neilRespectfully Submitted,

 

Neil Williamson, President

 

 

Original Songwriters: Jack Rollins,Steve Nelson

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An Albemarle Planning Christmas

First presented to the Albemarle County Planning Commission on December 13, 2016

By. Neil Williamson, President, Free Enterprise Forum

Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through Albemarle County

Folks were shopping and buying their family holiday bounty

The neighborhood meetings were held, public hearings advertised with care

In hopes that applicant’s final approvals might soon be theirs.

 

With Tubbs in his head seat and me off and tweeting

The regulars were in position for a long Planning Commission meeting

When up in the foyer there arose such a clatter

Sharon phoned maintenance to get to the bottom of the matter.

 

Away to the back doors, I flew up the row

With Sean, Jeff, and Morgan behind me, albeit quite slow

As I reached the ACOB back doors, of course located in front

I mumbled about relegated parking and pushed them open with a grunt

 

Florescent lights spilling out to the front staircase mountain

Gave brightness to the beautiful but empty decorative fountain

When what to my skeptical eyes should appear

but a BMW Mini and eight tiny reindeer

 

With a tall bearded driver, so sly and so tame

I knew in a moment it must be old Wayne

More rapid than zoning violations his courses they came

And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name

“Now Graham, now Gast-Bray, now Fritz and Newberry!

On Echols! On Weaver! On Benish and Sherry!

To the top of the properly stepped retaining wall!

Now dash away dash away dash away all!’

 

As the mud on a critical but managed slope after a summer rain flows,

when they meet with an obstacle from the ground that grows

So up to the green roof of the ACOB the coursers they flew,

With a sleigh, full of applications and Wayne Cilimberg too.

 

And then in a twinkling, I heard tapping noise somewhat fleeting

I thought Kilroy was updating citizens with her tweeting

As I gathered myself and turned to speak with the guys

The former Planning Director jumped off the elevator with surprise

 

He was dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and well pressed slacks

And his clothes smelled of suntan oil and perhaps the dog track

A bundle of approvals, he had slung on his back

He looked like a lost Shenandoah hiker just opening his pack

 

His eyes — how they twinkled, not application weary

His mind now so rested, his face rather cheeryskinny santa

He had a slight build but fit from the gym;

Tanned rested and ready, retired but slim.

Retirement clearly suited this jolly tall elf,

And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself;

 

A wink of his eye and his now graying mane

Soon gave me to know I need not fear from Wayne.

He spoke not a word but had an aggressive comprehensive plan

Stamping applications “approved”, saying “yes, yes you can”

And pressing the button with his red sharpie stained hand

The elevator swept him away to the upper floors of ACOB land.

 

He sprang to top of the building on McIntyre

And away he flew like his pants were on fire

He shouted above the din of his fine steed

“Approve applications, economic development we need.”

I heard him exclaim as ere he drove out of sight

“Merry Christmas to all — Retirement is All right!”

———————————————————————

Neil Williamson is the President of The Free Enterprise Forum, a public policy organization covering the City of Charlottesville as well as Albemarle, Greene, Fluvanna, Louisa  and Nelson County.  For more information visit the website www.freeenterpriseforum.org

Photo Credits: Gifs.cc